Progress, such as it is!

Ooh...exchanged messages with actual agencies and social workers today. I usually work "in town" (we live in a very small college town) while Gert is in school if Beau has a sitter, because I have to pick her up anyway, and I find the laundry and such shriek too loudly at me if I work at home. But I can scarcely call home study agencies from a table in the bookstore!

So I set up in a group study room at the college library. They are on spring break and the going was easy and the wireless strong and free.

I admit to calling my favorite possibility, the XingFu program in NYC, twice. Three times today, actually, but once was returning a call, I swear! Now I suspect they think I am crazy adoption stalker girl.

I hesitated for a minute before I dialed that first number. Calling is so much more real than emailing, or even joining a Yahoo group. It's calling. It's real. It's the first real step towards the part where the process takes over, and you'd have to take affirmative steps to stop the train. Are we really ready to fill out forms and sign checks and have social workers in our house?

Two things: One, I asked Poptart tonight not to tell Mom and Pop Granola about the crazy plan, henceforth referred to as Operation Four. He agreed without question, but I still explained: I have this feeling they will rain on my parade.

He nodded and kept eating Beau's birthday cake.

"How about you? Thinking of drizzling?"

"Nope."

"I guess that makes it our parade, then."

And I guess it does. The second thing? I'm awfully happy lately. Patient with the kids, bubbly, brimming with good cheer. A bit nervous, anxious, given to moments of this-is-all-out-of-my-control panic, but overall happy and...expectant. Which definitely told me something!