Process Angst Continues

Today I had an actual email exhange with an actial agency representative that was both very helpful and somewhat disappointing. I emailed her to get a password to review their "waiting children", knowing that I am so far from adopting existing "waiting child" that I might as well be on mars. I was just trying to get a sense of who was waiting, I guess. And she very kindly let me do just that--BUT rained on my parade a bit. "Waiting children" with minor special needs are very hot with parents who just want to speed up the process, is essentially what she said, and especially girls, and if I really want to adopt a child who might not otherwise be adopted we should adopt...a boy.

Now, I think I'm open to more special needs than she probably thought. But the thing is, I really DO want a girl. I just DO!

So anyway, the big question remains but I think it's on its way to being answered: "Sign with" an agency and wait for a referral or surf while doing paperwork on one's own. I don't think I can cope with that. Too much surfing, too much riding on me, nobody in my court and NO HELP WITH THE PAPERWORK!

Looking, now, while still really making this decision if I'm honest, for an agency that 1) lets one consider sn kids from different countries at the same time, 2) refers rather than putting them up on a list and 3) gets lots and lots of referrals from China, still my first love, so much so that I might abandon 1 and just roll with it.