Action (part one). Also, Ugly Truths about Me!

Cooler heads have not prevailed. The current plan is for uncommited forward movement--researching countries, agencies, pros, cons...while both allowing the inner gut check full reign. Time to admits some hope truths. Here's one for me--I don't think I can raise an African child--oh, fine, let's be less politically correct--a black kid. I suspect, that, like most people, I make racial judgments (and let me just say here that I've actually taken one of those tests where pictures flash in front of you and you register positive or negative thought as fast as I can and my results were that I'm not racist, but I do seem to be a Bush-hating democrat...)

I have no overt racist feelings. But I just don't know--it might make a difference to me. It might--at least it would take me longer to erase any feeling of "differentness"--I wouldn't want to risk it. In fact I think risking it would be a terrible thing to do. My brain tells me it wouldn't matter for more than a day or two. If someone left a black baby on the doorstep I'd be be in here snuggling her and loving her in a heartbeat. I know it wouldn't matter--that would be my kid, brought by fate straight here. But when it's me serving as the deus ex machina? My gut says it wouldn't matter but what if it did? What then?

Why doesn't that apply with an Asian child? Two reasons, I'd say. The first is that I've been mentally picturing adopting an Asian child for years. I'm used to it. It's consistent with my vision of the world. Is the second more positive general associations? I don't know. I hope not.

So that's ugly truth number one. Or honest and useful self-assessment. I don't know. But there it is. Onward:
The Action taken: Connecting to Rainbow Kids, choosing South Korea and Taiwan, and requesting information from all agencies that handle adoptions in those countries. Why those two? We meet the requirements. (Our big limitation is the number of kids we already have.) You can choose gender, as they say--in our case, choose a girl. South Korea seems to offer the best foster care and medical information. Taiwan involves birth families in the process. I like those things.


Then I clicked on China--and saw that I would be getting information for about a zillion agencies. Maybe two zillion. And panicked slightly, reasoning that we want an agency that will let us apply to two countries at once, maybe, so there would have to be overlap, so I really don't have to do that...

But you know, we might not do that. We might just go with China. I don't know, do I? If we decide we can handle a slight special needs kid (oh, all the stuff to blog about!) If we just want to, because I love China and Poptart wants the kids to learn Mandarin. If we do.

Guess I should do one more. Or maybe not--Maybe I can get away with ccruising some boards and requesting information from a few specific places. The Great Wall Agency, for example--used by Jeff Gammage's family,whose journey is described in the book
China Ghosts. If we went China only we would want an agency that did too, which probably rules a lot out. So.

Awful truths now--which involves a very exciting checklist entitled "What Special NeedsAre You Willing to Accept" and the googling of ptosis--will have to wait for another post.