Beau's Birthday!

He's two today, and we had a golden day of happy brothers and sisters, balloons, presents...the kind of day that makes my heart sing "Four! Four!" over and over again.

I am so ignoring the negatives of this. It isn't going to be easy. Four won't like us at first, she won't even speak our language--and she's going to have her own medical issues, whatever those are. I'll have to spend a lot of time with her. Beau, sweet as he is, isn't going to like that one bit and Gertie even less. It is NOT going to be like picking up precisely the Four we would have bourne and raised ourselves and picking up wherever she is age-wise.

And the senior Lolas--my parents--are going to think we are crazy-loco and say so, again and again and again.

But I want to do this, I do. I am sure there will be moments when we think "what were we thinking"--I have those moments about the kids we have--but can you imagine it as something you'd regret, for real? I mean, I guess so, if there's some really true disaster. Let us say for example that she has bird flu and we all die. That would be bad. I think even I can manage not to worry about that one, though.

Otherwise, in general, I find the things I regret are the things I don't do.

So, tomorrow's plan: Call five agencies. Two, in particular--one, really--I'm very excited about. They have both been granted pilot programs to help with all of the special needs adoptions from a particular region, and do exactly what I want--which is to match the family with the child, rather than expecting the family to do the matching. One seems to be a good agency with multiple interesting programs and waiting children, and the other two are local and do homestudies. I've been warned away from one, though, so I will have to be especially careful--because they are by far the most convenient option.

I really want that first agency--they're in NYC, too, so we could even meet them in a few weeks--to work out. I really, really do. I have been googling them really hard and have foung no warning signs...yet! But they may have thousands of people clamoring to sign up, for all I know.

Let me just add a thought I had about Bart today. If he weren't the kid he is--helpful, thoughtful, loving, golden--there is absolutely no way we would be doing this. None. Someday I hope to tell him that.