RIght Back Atcha!

Our i-600a came back today. Apparently I mailed it to the wrong office. As of April 1, it's a whole different form and possibly more complex process. So it goes out again tomorrow, overnight.

But the office is in Boston, and at least one website says Massachusetts won't let you file the form without the homestudy. But there's nothing I can do about that, it might be wrong, might as well put it back into play!

Decisions--Preliminary. And one filled-out i-600a.

I think the Homeland Agency, and its Xingfu program, are right for us if they will work with us. I loved the sense that these people, with all of their depths of knowledge and experience, would be interested in getting to know us as a family, would know the children involved, if not personally then at least in the sense of really knowing where they come from--and would want to match us with Four. I could say more, and I will, but I am going to wait to apply to them and be sure that it works out. I have talked to other agencies and other possibilities--CHI being one I liked very much, with the advantage of working in our area--and I think I need to see how that plays out.

Filled out the big i-600a last night, got all the copies made, everything ready to go: And left it to sit until tonight. For one thing, it's never a bad idea to give something like that a second look before you send it. For another...well, it's a big step. But all I have felt all day is anxious to get it in the mail!

Poptart earned big points today by proposing, out of the blue, that if this happens we will need a lot more housekeeping help. Now that, gentlemen, is the kind of talk that gets a girl hot! (Aas my friends the authors of Finding the Doorbell would say, "it's the little things that get you laid!")

Progress, such as it is!

Ooh...exchanged messages with actual agencies and social workers today. I usually work "in town" (we live in a very small college town) while Gert is in school if Beau has a sitter, because I have to pick her up anyway, and I find the laundry and such shriek too loudly at me if I work at home. But I can scarcely call home study agencies from a table in the bookstore!

So I set up in a group study room at the college library. They are on spring break and the going was easy and the wireless strong and free.

I admit to calling my favorite possibility, the XingFu program in NYC, twice. Three times today, actually, but once was returning a call, I swear! Now I suspect they think I am crazy adoption stalker girl.

I hesitated for a minute before I dialed that first number. Calling is so much more real than emailing, or even joining a Yahoo group. It's calling. It's real. It's the first real step towards the part where the process takes over, and you'd have to take affirmative steps to stop the train. Are we really ready to fill out forms and sign checks and have social workers in our house?

Two things: One, I asked Poptart tonight not to tell Mom and Pop Granola about the crazy plan, henceforth referred to as Operation Four. He agreed without question, but I still explained: I have this feeling they will rain on my parade.

He nodded and kept eating Beau's birthday cake.

"How about you? Thinking of drizzling?"

"Nope."

"I guess that makes it our parade, then."

And I guess it does. The second thing? I'm awfully happy lately. Patient with the kids, bubbly, brimming with good cheer. A bit nervous, anxious, given to moments of this-is-all-out-of-my-control panic, but overall happy and...expectant. Which definitely told me something!

Beau's Birthday!

He's two today, and we had a golden day of happy brothers and sisters, balloons, presents...the kind of day that makes my heart sing "Four! Four!" over and over again.

I am so ignoring the negatives of this. It isn't going to be easy. Four won't like us at first, she won't even speak our language--and she's going to have her own medical issues, whatever those are. I'll have to spend a lot of time with her. Beau, sweet as he is, isn't going to like that one bit and Gertie even less. It is NOT going to be like picking up precisely the Four we would have bourne and raised ourselves and picking up wherever she is age-wise.

And the senior Lolas--my parents--are going to think we are crazy-loco and say so, again and again and again.

But I want to do this, I do. I am sure there will be moments when we think "what were we thinking"--I have those moments about the kids we have--but can you imagine it as something you'd regret, for real? I mean, I guess so, if there's some really true disaster. Let us say for example that she has bird flu and we all die. That would be bad. I think even I can manage not to worry about that one, though.

Otherwise, in general, I find the things I regret are the things I don't do.

So, tomorrow's plan: Call five agencies. Two, in particular--one, really--I'm very excited about. They have both been granted pilot programs to help with all of the special needs adoptions from a particular region, and do exactly what I want--which is to match the family with the child, rather than expecting the family to do the matching. One seems to be a good agency with multiple interesting programs and waiting children, and the other two are local and do homestudies. I've been warned away from one, though, so I will have to be especially careful--because they are by far the most convenient option.

I really want that first agency--they're in NYC, too, so we could even meet them in a few weeks--to work out. I really, really do. I have been googling them really hard and have foung no warning signs...yet! But they may have thousands of people clamoring to sign up, for all I know.

Let me just add a thought I had about Bart today. If he weren't the kid he is--helpful, thoughtful, loving, golden--there is absolutely no way we would be doing this. None. Someday I hope to tell him that.

Action (part one). Also, Ugly Truths about Me!

Cooler heads have not prevailed. The current plan is for uncommited forward movement--researching countries, agencies, pros, cons...while both allowing the inner gut check full reign. Time to admits some hope truths. Here's one for me--I don't think I can raise an African child--oh, fine, let's be less politically correct--a black kid. I suspect, that, like most people, I make racial judgments (and let me just say here that I've actually taken one of those tests where pictures flash in front of you and you register positive or negative thought as fast as I can and my results were that I'm not racist, but I do seem to be a Bush-hating democrat...)

I have no overt racist feelings. But I just don't know--it might make a difference to me. It might--at least it would take me longer to erase any feeling of "differentness"--I wouldn't want to risk it. In fact I think risking it would be a terrible thing to do. My brain tells me it wouldn't matter for more than a day or two. If someone left a black baby on the doorstep I'd be be in here snuggling her and loving her in a heartbeat. I know it wouldn't matter--that would be my kid, brought by fate straight here. But when it's me serving as the deus ex machina? My gut says it wouldn't matter but what if it did? What then?

Why doesn't that apply with an Asian child? Two reasons, I'd say. The first is that I've been mentally picturing adopting an Asian child for years. I'm used to it. It's consistent with my vision of the world. Is the second more positive general associations? I don't know. I hope not.

So that's ugly truth number one. Or honest and useful self-assessment. I don't know. But there it is. Onward:
The Action taken: Connecting to Rainbow Kids, choosing South Korea and Taiwan, and requesting information from all agencies that handle adoptions in those countries. Why those two? We meet the requirements. (Our big limitation is the number of kids we already have.) You can choose gender, as they say--in our case, choose a girl. South Korea seems to offer the best foster care and medical information. Taiwan involves birth families in the process. I like those things.


Then I clicked on China--and saw that I would be getting information for about a zillion agencies. Maybe two zillion. And panicked slightly, reasoning that we want an agency that will let us apply to two countries at once, maybe, so there would have to be overlap, so I really don't have to do that...

But you know, we might not do that. We might just go with China. I don't know, do I? If we decide we can handle a slight special needs kid (oh, all the stuff to blog about!) If we just want to, because I love China and Poptart wants the kids to learn Mandarin. If we do.

Guess I should do one more. Or maybe not--Maybe I can get away with ccruising some boards and requesting information from a few specific places. The Great Wall Agency, for example--used by Jeff Gammage's family,whose journey is described in the book
China Ghosts. If we went China only we would want an agency that did too, which probably rules a lot out. So.

Awful truths now--which involves a very exciting checklist entitled "What Special NeedsAre You Willing to Accept" and the googling of ptosis--will have to wait for another post.